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Revising a Kernel Paragraph

Page history last edited by kim Pruitt 15 years, 2 months ago

There are two of the same paragraphs below.  The first paragraph will NOT be changed and will be used to compare to the second paragarph that will be revised.  Use the instructions to make the necessary revisions to the paragraph in RED. 

 

 

The man entered the room.  He looked around.  His hair covered part of his face.  The room was dark.  It was hard to see.  He walked over to the window and looked out.  HIs steps made a noise on the bare floor.  He turned around to see if someone else was in the room.  He saw nothing but the furniture.  His heart beat fast.  Nothing could stop him now.

 

The man entered the room.  He looked around.  His hair covered part of his face.  The room was dark.  It was hard to see.  He walked over to the window and looked out.  HIs steps made a noise on the bare floor.  He turned around to see if someone else was in the room.  He saw nothing but the furniture.  His heart beat fast.  Nothing could stop him now.

 

Instructions for the kernel paragraph:

 

1.  Change the general noun "man."  Use a different color font to indicate changes that you have made.

2.  Add an adjective to describe the oun you substituted for "man." Again, use a different color.

3.  Add 1-2 adjectives to clarify what kind of "room" the man entered.  Use a different color font.

4.  Build an appositive into sentence #1.

5.  Change the word "entered" to a more specific action verb.  Add an adverb in front of the word you substituted for "entered."

6.  Move one sentence to another place in the paragraph by cutting and pasting it to another place.  Be prepared to explain why you moved it.

7.  Combine two sentences into one, forming a complex sentence.

8.  Incorporate a simile or metaphor into the paragraph.  Underline it.

9.  Add information by way of a dependent clause in one of the sentences.

10.  Replace two of the pronouns with nouns.  However, do NOT use the noun "man" in either case.

11.  Change one sentence to begin with a participle or participial phrase.

12.  Make one sentence an imperative sentence.

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